Dreaming of Her

I have never been a person who dreams a lot. My nights usually consist of falling into bed, sleeping a solid 7-8 hours and waking up pretty easily. Sometimes I have had dreams that were quite meaningful that I have carried for years- going back to when I was only 7 or 8 years old. But mainly they are silly or confusing or nothing there at all and I forget them easily. However, since we started this adoption journey I have been dreaming more than ever before.

Two nights ago I had my first dream about Amelia and about the birth and hospital. It was so real. Vivid colors and even touch... I could feel the texture of the blanket they wrapped her in. As the nurse handed her to me I was overcome and sat down and laid her on my lap with her head towards my knees and her feet at my tummy. I saw her little face all pink and she had on this little hat and I grabbed it and slowly pulled it off. I just remember Meri being there as I looked up but she was completely blurry...a swimming image of my friend swirling in my eyes filled with tears. Brad was there behind me and had is hand on my back and Meri's family was nearby, so supportive and loving. I leaned down and whispered the words I have waited so long to say. Words meant only for her, my precious darling.

I woke up remembering details that should have been lost. I knew I had been given a special blessing, the gift of a glimpse of the love I will feel holding our daughter. The overwhelming feelings I know will come when I look at Meri. When I try to tell her I love her but no words will come because there simply are none. I will try to say Thank You but as I do the words will feel strange because they don't match the meaning of the phrase. It's so much more beautiful and deep than that but our language will fail me and I can only hope my eyes will say it all.

Brad was right there when I woke up since it was the weekend. I shared with him my dream and I couldn't help the tears rolling down my cheeks. I am incredibly grateful to be on this amazing journey with him. He's always right there encouraging me and giving insight, stability, and unwavering dedication. Amelia will have a lot of fun with him as her Dad...I can't wait to see them play together!